RAMADAN DAY 12

Today marks the twelfth day of Ramadan, it is also the beginning of a school term as an educator at the same school for 6 years honestly I have lost my spark and do not want to be doing this anymore. I am so exhausted of doing the same routine. I started Ramadan happy but now I feel depressed all over again like before Ramadan. I have no idea why I've stopped sewing as well. I used to love sewing so much that just the thought of it makes me delighted. My only escape is to sleep. And for someone who doesn't favour sleeping so much, I've been sleeping a lot as well.

I am in need of a fresh environment. I want to just do things that I love. Oh, Allah please grant me patience in my sad heart. Ramadan has been a fruitful time for me to get closer to you ya Allah. The night time makes me happy the most as I can do congregational prayers. I think my life is lacking in activities as well. I feel blessed that I'm in a relaxed mode but at the same time I feel down because I wish I can hang out more. My friends and I used to hang out a lot when we were younger. Nowadays meeting with them even for a short while makes me the happiest. Sometimes I wish I can go back to the time when i was in secondary school.I had a blast as I get to meet my friends daily and I can honestly say that is the highest point in my life and nothing can beat that time thus far. Even though my dad was in depression back then, no matter how stressful life was, my friends were there. I didn't have money, didn't come from a wealthy family but still I am happy. Friends were like my drug that numb me from all the pain. Nowadays, with that gone, sleep is like a drug. O Allah, I hope I can find that spark again in life. I'm so exhausted ya Allah. So exhausted.

However, I want to thank Allah for my last trip to Korea. It brought back the smile and glow on my face. I truly felt happy again even though it was for a mere 3 weeks. Those 3 weeks are what I look back on. Ya Allah give me the strength to continue being a good Muslim and living life to the fullest.

실망했다

주화 안녕하세용~~~~
오늘은 내 두번째 일기 공개해요. ㅋㅋㅋㅋ
시험이 어때요? 언제 끝나요? 요즘에는 생각이 많아요.
어제 내 여동생은 불편한 이야기를 말했어요. 여동생의 친구는 한국에 갔다고 직업은 찾고 싶었지만 못찾아요. 지금 난 이런 생각하고 있어요 "어때요? 나 아르바이트 찾을수있을까?"
 많이 고민하잖아요. 이건 너무 힘들다.

요즘에 언니는 많이 기도해요. 매일 매일 하나님에서 나한테
도와줘요.저의 고민 너의 고만이랑 비숫해요. 나도 한국에서 일하고 싶어요. 한국에 나의 두번 집 처럼. 근데 난 포기할 수 없어요 노력할께요. 화이팅! 열심히 일하고 있습니다. 그 꿈에는 꼭 잡아요!

내 여동생은 왜 나의 꿈을 못이해해서 대실망해요.

나의 좋아하는 가수

주화 안녕하세요!!!
ㅎㅎㅎ 이게 너무 신기하다! 첫 이야기예요. 오늘 난 모든 사람한테 나의 좋아하는 가수 알려주고 싶어요. 난 다비치 정말 좋아해요.

다비치의 노래들이 진짜 좋아요. ㅋㅋㅋ 난 슬픈 노래를 다 좋아해요. 그들의 노래 들어면서 가슴이도 아파요. ㅎㅎㅎ 이해리 목소리가 더 잘해요. 강민경 보다. ㅋㅋㅋ 강민경 더 예뻐요. 하지만 이해리의 실력은 더 높아요.

나도 이해리 처럼 되고 싶어요. 나의 좋아하는 노래를 "두번 해어지는 일". 이 노래 들어면 나의 요섭하고 서섭(내 애완 동물) 생각이 났어여. 이 노래를 너무 슬퍼요. ㅠㅠㅠㅠ 아 많이 쓰고 싶었지만 시간이 너무 늦었어요. 눈도 아파요. 내일 계속 쓸거에요. 안녕히주무세요

The eldest

It is tough being the eldest.
Especially when it comes to financial issues. You bear most of the cost. I am mentally exhausted trying to save money. Sometimes my money don't feel like it is mine. technically it is not mine. It belongs to Allah. I feel helpless especially when my parents are spendthrifts. Oh Allah please help me. Please let my mum realise that she is not managing her financial well. I feel suffocated ya Allah. Ya Allah bless us with wealth. I want to be able to do more and be more comfortable. It is tough ya allah. This is tough. Make me strong. make me strong. make me strong. That is why Ya Allah I never thought of settling down when there are so many unfinished issues at home.

Yoseob my greatest love and companion (7.4.2014)

Dear yoseob,
I miss you so much. I wanted you to know that i am very sorry, you fell. It was all my fault. If I didn't take you out of your cage to read quran with or for you and listen to you that you did not want to stay in my hands while i read it. You might be alive now. But what can I do sayang? Allah loves you more. I hope you remember me my darling. Please wait for me at the heaven's gate. I might be slow to get there but I will call for you when I do reach it. I still have a long way to go sayang. That is if Allah does not take me young. I know this is your destiny and fate my dear, but I cannot imagine living without you. I know sooner or later you will die, but I didn't expect you to go this way. I love you too much to let you go. Yes, people will laugh but what makes hamsters different from cats and dogs? Because they are small? You should not judge by their size. Yes hamsters are small but I could feel that you loved me as much as I love you. I cannot forget you my dear. You will be the last hamster for me, I can't bear to part with you. I pray and pray that we will meet again I will call you my dear. I will call your name. Please pray the best for me to my love. Pray that I get to do what I want most in life. That's all I ask from you and most of all, I ask you to forgive me. Forgive me. Forgive me. Forgive me.

Sometimes...

I wish I have no friends. I just want to befriend animals. Why? because animals don't hurt you. They don't let you down. Like humans always do. Friendship is a complicated thing. I can't rely on anyone. I only rely on myself. I'm very tired of people letting me down. so tired...

Everyday is a gift and hope that tomorrow is better than today.

Inshaa Allah.
Early in the morning the people made me reach my boiling point and went through screaming frenzy. Astarghfirullah. Give me the patience ya Allah. These children are so ill-mannered. Maybe it's children from the akhir zaman is really really rude.I pray that my children will be taught to only be good. Good to Allah, rasulullah and parents. Amin. It's a rarity these days to find good children with good values and manners.

Anyway, last Saturday on the 24th of August, Kyung Jin came to Singapore. I had a really good time bringing him around to places of attractions and my home. I think the best bit of the trip is meeting my eccentric mother. heheh. My mother is quite unique and humorous. Only that at times I find her rather annoying. Especially when she keeps bugging me about marriage. Nope. I'm not getting married yet. I'm not ready. Inshaa Allah one day when I am ready to make the biggest commitment of my life I will.

Maybe I am too picky. But at the same time, at times I think I am happy being alone and just want to spend my life adoring Allah and the prophet. They are like my lover that I cannot meet till the day I die. I want to see your face ya Allah and peace be upon you prophet Muhammad.

The funny thing is I think Kyung Jin could get along so well with my mother. There was so much laughter in the house. My mum told him that he doesn't "eat pictures" LOL. direct translation of a malay phrase it was so hilarious. It is to mean that he doesn't look good in pictures but he is good looking in person. I still remember the photo taking moments as if it was yesterday when he wanted to pretend to kiss my mother. That was too much! LOL.

Times like this when I think my mother is open and ready to accept me marrying someone of a different race. I would definitely NOT sacrifice my religion for any man. He has to convert to Islam on his own accord and will. That he must love the creator first before me. Inshaa Allah I will meet that kind of man. It is not that I don't like my own race but somehow I am more attracted to someone who is different from me. Oh Allah let me find him. please. Sooner or later, I can wait.

Oh and no, no I am not interested in Kyung Jin, LOL. He is like an older brother and he is going to get married soon. I am so happy for him. I wish him all the happiness in the world. I really want to go to his wedding ahhhh.... to experience a korean wedding is something I would like to see!

Such a long post after a long time, it is nice though :) Keep all this in my memory.

Hello

Hello, it's been awhile since I've blogged but I want to start again. I will update on my travel adventures to Ho Chi Minh City. These days, I think I need Allah the most. Please help me ya Allah. I can do this.Sometimes your tests get so tough, I do not know if I can overcome them. Push me Ya Allah. Help me. Only you can. My mind at times is really like a battlefield. Please let me build a defence so strong that will make it hard for them to penetrate. Amin

MERCHANT OF VENICE

Themes

1) Self love VS Interest

2) The Divinity of mercy

3) The cyclical patterns of hatred

Revision

Looking
1) Poem length : Shows how much a poem can say AND the mood of the poem
2) Divisions: How the poem is organised and how it progresses
3) Line length : syllable
4) Typographical features: italicization, capitalization

Reading
1) Registers: Informal to formal, abstract to concrete, simple to difficult
2) Syntax: repetition ( highlights the issue)
3) Word choice: Natural or unnatural
4) Imagery: Similes, metaphors, personification (Gives a clearer image of the poem and makes it more descriptive
5) End-stopped or run-on lines : End-stopped contribute to the sound effect, self sufficient and contained.
                                                   Run-on lines natural flow
6) Rhyme and rhythm : Sound effect for the poem. Organise poem's meaning
7) Sound: The articulation when reading the poem like imagery creates ideas & sensations clearer. Increase meaning

Listening
1) Voice: Personal? If it is, it tries to engage the readers primarily through its thoughts and emotions
2) Whom is it directed to? Itself, somebody else ( could be personal) , nobody( abstract truth or ideas) or reader (abstract truths or ideas)
3) Form of discourse:
    Expressive: Expresses thoughts and emotions ( become involved in the personality)
    Narrative: Tells a story ( interested in abstract ideas )
    Descriptive : describes ( may be value statement )
    Instructive: didactic in intent , spells out a clear message, truth
4) Themes : Love, Death, Time , Nature
5) Purposes: Good ( Tells good from bad, or raise a moral issues)
                     True ( Reveal truth or essence of something)
                      Beautiful ( To tell us something is beautiful )

Insyaallah I can PASS!!!! I must do well. Ya Allah please let me remember all these devices~ AMIN

Art Appreciation

Recently I enrolled in an art appreciation class as part of my University's elective module. Let me tell you how much I love it. I love it THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS much!

It is so relaxing. I get to learn new skills, make new friends that I hardly would in other classes. Seriously this is fun! I am so into art now. I love looking at paintings and it really inspire me.

I'm looking at Jinki now, I seriously love him. Allah don't take him away from me too soon. I love him so much. I thank you Allah, if i don't have that man, I have this little guy that makes me happy everyday and he never changes. But I know I can't have this little baby for long. I will spend more time with him. So he knows he is very much loved. If he goes, let me meet him in Jannah. Ya Allah I know I'm not perfect or anywhere close enough to smell your paradise but Allah please... accept me. I know my brain is pretty haywire at times. But you know what's in me and my heart that is full of flaws. Please accept all of me.

Words I learnt for today

cede - To give up

idioms- style of an artist

fluke- a struck of good fortune. unexpected.

New words

Introspection~ Contemplation on your thoughts , desires

Crafty ~ Artsy person or sly

Beguiling ~ highly attractive OR dishonest

Goshhh that's why english is confusing it has both positive and negative connotations to it.

Today, I feel very down, discouraged and I wonder on my abilities. I doubt that I can be good at english. I seriously do, but at the same time I want to be fluent in Korean. It's difficult to juggle these two languages. I've learnt English a lot longer of course and fluent in it but my vocabulary is not vast. I have to learn more. I can absorb the information but how long can I retain them???

I love English I seriously do. But if I'm not good at it... what do I do? Work hard, yeah sure. I know what I should do. I think.

A long day

Don't want to think about you.But I just can't get you out of my mind. I try hard to forget but you keep coming back to me.

It's just too sad. My heart hurts. I don't understand you. I don't understand why. But I know I have to get over you somehow.

This song is perfect. It's how I feel every single day. I want to smile, I want to live. I wonder if you know I'm like this.

Booked for june

And so we already booked flights to Seoul. From the 4th of June to 15th of June.

Somehow tonight I feel the excitement and I can't wait to meet you.

We've grown so attached to each other, I think i'm slowly....

I don't want to say it. I don't want to have expectations.

Either way I will cry tears of happiness and tears of farewell.

Oh Allah, what am i doing is it right? Is this person the correct one? If this person is not. Ya Allah I hope you let me get over him and let me be strong.

Because : 이별이 뭔지 나는 몰라요~ huhu too much drama

Sigh~

You know today is one of those days where I am alone. I have tons of work to do but I just can't be bothered. But because tomorrow I want to go somewhere I will finish some today.

I hate when I'm alone. Because I get lonely. I'm lucky I can sometimes take a break from loneliness when I look at Jinki.

I hate it when I think of that person too. How can I be so weak?

This is only like the third month or so knowing him but he feels important to me.

Ramadhan Diary Day 6(6th of August 2011)

Today is my 3rd day of losing to that "friend of the month". My whole family missed sahur, we can't seem to wake up. My dad called me multiple times. My first time not waking up to phone calls. I must be dead asleep. I spent the afternoon shopping with Humaira and mother. Shopping for her hari raya clothes. We walked for hours and hours before we finally found the dress. She has a specific colour she was looking for:GREEN!

Then went out and had dinner with Mai.

I also voice chatted with him today, a lot of things happen, I think I'm slowly falling for him Ya Allah. What am I going to do? I don't even know if he feels the same way about me. He is funny, cute and kind. My gut feeling tells me he likes me too. But I don't know how can I confirm it? I don't want to be the only one feeling this way. He said "What do you want for your birthday?... me?"

And he promised me, he promised that he will stop smoking in 2 years. I don't know if I can trust him on this. But if he does this and really stick to it, it does say a lot. In can only mean, I mean a lot to him therefore he keeps the promise. My only prayer for him now is: Allah show him the right path. If you think that I can guide him to the right path please bring him closer to me, if not distance him from me. If you give him to me, I'll make sure I'll do a good job. If you don't i'm ready to ikhlas.

Ramadhan Diary Day 5 (4th of August 2011)

My 2nd day losing to "friend of the month". I thought I wasted time today but when I reflect on the things I did today...I completed or did a lot of work. One thing for sure is I've revised one of the modules I'm studying. The other one I've revised a little. This weekend will be spent for studying and work. I can be a real workaholic, once I start my engine it will be difficult to stop.

Ya Allah aku cemburu dengan adik lelaki aku yang tiap-tiap hari tanpa gagal pergi berterawih. Aku harap aku juga boleh berbuat demikian. Aku rasa urusan dunia terlalu banyak dan buatkan manusia sibuk,lalai dan leka dalam mengerjakan dan menghalusi ibadah mereka. Aku sedih ya Allah, bila masa ada di tangan kami juga kami tidak dapat melakukannya dengan sempurna kerana kami dibuai khayalan , rasa pemalas dan nafsu syaitan dalam diri kita. Ya Allah kuatkanlah imanku melawan syaitan dalam diri ini.

Today, I did cartwheels in front of my colleagues like WTH hahaha but whatever all thanks to the Mak Buyong who wanted to see it.

Yesterday I showed him a photo of my mum praying and then he asked me "Don't you pray?". Oh gosh I said I have because I didn't want to explain about that friend of the month thingy hahahah. He said "Oh~so fast" LOL. He asked me more about Ramadhan today and he knows that this month is important to me. It is funny how he said "But it will be a difficult month for me" EH? haha is it his lack of english skills or does he have any ideas in joining me? Alhamdulillah. Ya Allah bantulah dia ya Allah dapatkanlah aku dengan secara perlahan menarik diri nya untuk menerimaMU. Amin~

My favourite song for the month~

Ramadhan Diary Day 4

I was soooooo looking forward to do a good deed with mum today that is go for my first solat Tarawih for this Ramadhan. All of a sudden at around 6.00pm that friend of the month came TTTT Oh Allah I'll definitely go for it next week. Insyaallah. Let me live through this Ramadhan, ya Allah. The mum cooked Roti kirai today, it is super delicious^^ alhamdulillah.

He was the first to message me today at 8:56am Good morning~ Have a nice day!!!

You're too sweet you know that? Allah knows. Oh Allah guide him to the right path. -amin-

Every single day is meaningful with...

This cute baby of mine. Everyday we will be like this and share silent conversations only both of us understand. I have this special bond with him that no others have. Ya Allah how will I cope if you take him away? Maybe I will react the same way when Eeteuk died. I only pray to meet both of them in paradise. Amin~

Ramadhan Diary

Day 1 of Ramadhan (1st of August 2011)

I broke my fast at Unisim. First time ever, I broke my fast with strangers instead of family members. Well, hello new friends. New friends were made because of Ramadhan. Ramadhan is the only time total strangers can be related to each other in one way or another.

I taught him and he wished me " Happy Ramadhan!" ^^

Day 2 of Ramadhan (2nd of August 2011)

Again, broke fast with another set of new strangers. World is strange after all. And subhanallah I discovered I was praying in the right direction after all without even finding the kiblat with a compass. How amazing and blessed I felt. Amin~

And he said " Ramadhan day is very hard TT" it made me laugh as I thought ' As if you're fasting!' But in my heart i prayed insyaallah one day when Allah gives you hidayah you will.

Day 3 of Ramadhan ( 3rd of August 2011)

Finally broke my fast with my FAMILY. The mum cooked mee soto. yummy~ Though the air was a bit tensed. Alhamdulillah I get to be with my family today. Today was challenging, my night classes are taking its toll on me. With the fasting, teaching and night classes I feel terribly exhausted. Thank you Allah for giving me strength today. Allahuakbar.