Hey people ever felt like... U and your once good friend don't seem to click anymore? I don't know what's going on with me but I just feel at times I am better off alone... I feel like crying... I feel LOST. I just hope Allah will guide me. Sometimes I just feel I don't know what I want in this life and who I am ANYMORE. But I know what I am looking for.

Ohhh I did Amy a makeover she look like this after the make over

So how? do I qualify as good at giving someone a makeover?

We picked style no.6 out of all the 6 styles I planned for her which is a long dress & belt + jeans

yay! I promise to pass u more pics Amy!

Okay I wanna wish HAK HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY THE VIDEO AT THE BOTTOM IS FOR YOU!

Hi... Went out with my girls on saturday. There is a video I made out of the photos we took! Enjoy girls=) On Sunday gave Amy a makeover but photos not uploaded yet. Whatever it is watch the video my 3 girls!

Hello!

I am sooo counting down the days till we LEAVE!!! :/ :\ :) :D :P :D :D :D I am making many happy faces... :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Is That HUGE enough? To tell you how glad I am?

You DO NOT understand me. And I am tired of making you understand. I am NOT your typical / average malay girl who wants to be attached or get married as soon as i step into the age range of 20s! I don't want all that yet.

I HAVE GOALS! I HAVE DREAMS! I WANT A CAREER! I WANNA BE SUCCESSFUL. I WANT SUCCESS. DO YOU GET THAT?

No all you wanna do is control me? Well you can't. So what if i wanna get married when i am 30! Love, boyfriend, marriage is ALL SECONDARY TO ME. In this life all I wanna be is reach for my goals and make my faith go stronger and prepare for my after life. That's all and nothing more.

You better becareful before I collect enough money and run off to Australia. I am sick and tired OK? I don't want any boyfriend in my life okay? NOt now not sooner. And the only person who ever believed in me is gone! No one believes in my ability than her! Listen to this song. I love it.

Being sick is no fun at all... I'm tired of going to the clinic. I'm tired of my pay getting cut! But I thank Allah for one thing. my life & being called LOVE twice plus an "I miss u" from my girlfriends. I feel blessed. I can't wait for Ramadhan.I've drawn her up maybe its time for u ppl to see...

Her: " i miss yousss are simply not enough!! (:"

Now i truly miss her

O I drew something for the guitarist of Panic!'s Birthday

Wish me luck in sending it to him in time....

Now more wedding dress:

3 more weeks and WE ARE OUT!

K i know I am not beautiful but u don't have to say it right? Ya maybe i have horrible skin cause i have tonnes of sins. Maybe you're right and it hurts to know that! I've had it tough and u make everything even harder for me. I am suffering and u don't know. I haven't been well mentally nor physically but FAITH keeps me strong.

I cried my eyes out in every prayer, I know someday everything will be answered... that you'll never know cause all u care is about yourself!

Sorry ppl. Feeling very emotional. But anyways I've made another creation for u to comment.

So what u guys think? Tag me up!

One more creation... is here!

I know it looks kinda plain but listen to my vision first! I thought the material that it'd be made of will be rich and grand. Like gold lace over white satin or white / silver lace over white satin... There u are enjoy my new design. More to come:) Watch out for it!!!
In case if u are wondering what's that that is holding the veil... its a small hat.- later...

hey ppl as promised the illustration of the back view of the previous dress + an additional one new creation... tada!

Back view of previous dress i've posted.


My New Creation!!!

Tag me up!leave your notes...

Thanks Amy for the comments / criticism. I am making something different from the usual that's in the market. You see I don't want to make big gowns like those normal wedding gowns. Because I want this collection of mine to be just simple, modern and clean-cut wedding dresses with a touch of glamour. Maybe I'll try designing big gowns later. Thanks again.

So here's my next design, maybe I'll draw the view of the back tonight.

Don't forget to leave your comments on my tagboard:) - Ateeq

So now I've decided to put all my designs online for people to comment. for now I'm sooo into designing wedding dresses (don't know why) but anyways here's my 2nd wedding dress design. It is ahem copyrighted.heheh. Enjoy commenting and criticising!

This is the plain one...

This is the patterned ones.

So ppl please tell me which one do u prefer?

Cheers:)

Look at this! I designed and illustrated it. Anyone pls come & comment!Supposedly a simple wedding dress! Ok So how was 07/07/07? I'll update u more on Live Earth Day. All I can say is I wore green!!! The concert was awesome esp. Linkin Park in Tokyo + Fall Out Boy in NY??!!!

I'm taking a risk... But I got to get this out of my system.
I swear to god she has nothing better to do!

As I look out the foggy window of the bus, i was on my way to visit my best friend. Listening to the sound of Panic! At the disco, All-american rejects and Red Jumpsuit Apparatus not forgetting MCR.

Walking was far... but I'd walk a thousand miles for her, I love her too much. The moment I'm there I visit my grandma first then hers followed by my uncles and grandpa. I wanted to cry badly... my tears wanted to roll but I can't cos' my dad is there and I can't show a tad bit of emotion though my heart wants too. Here are the photos of my trip visiting my friend's grave. i thank my dad for bringing me.

I guess he knows how much I miss her since i keep dreaming about her in my sleep. Thanks dad. You'll never read this but I never felt loved by u before but now i know its those little things that counts.








A pathetic bus stop with only one bus that comes to it only on hari raya and after chinese prayers.








This is my uncle's.







Yup that's my dad.


When I went there and saw a lot of grave's that are not visited i felt like crying and when I see those of children's and babies my heart feels heavier. especially I still remember one of a little girl where the family left her umbrella on her tomb stone.

The experience really taught me a big lesson in life... and I found one more hobby. Talking to the dead and giving salam to them. I made a promise to myself to visit them every month. insyaallah. Ya allah please grant my wishes and prayers and save me. Save them. PLEASE stop my grandpa from marrying another woman. I love my grandma sooooo much and I don't want any other woman taking her place cos' she was special and WILL ALWAYS be.

I miss my girls. The thought of not getting to meet my girls suddenly struck me that I now miss my Faddyna a whole lot. I can cry at the thought of her. I've moved on my friend but sometimes I regret that we can't talk or hang out with each other anymore. Maybe this is where Allah wanna test my strength. I'll pray for you my friend... you'll always have me...

I hate my internship... I miss my girls... I want a baby... I miss my babies... I love you Ali & Chomel. I love you till the day I die. And I'll always love him till the day I die...

Ya Allah keep me strong and make my faith stronger. I love you.

Hello people.

Yup I am sleepin' over AMH. Btw... I don't know why I think I am missing arwah Fadinah. I dreamt of her yesterday... She and I was at some shop looking at birthday cakes to buy for... Aisyah. ... Maybe I should stop here before I get emotional...

Bye Bye

PEOPLE THE 16 YEAR OLD ME IS BACK!!!

The happy-go-lucky one! Thank you Allah. Okay I am happy because I passed my exam not so great but at least I passed alhamdulillah. I got to meet my girls. I've got a new meaning of life. I'm so fueled up and ready to go and no one can stop me. haha.

Well wanna know what happened during these holidays. Well I won't tell. Today I got a compliment from someone haha saying I look like a thirteen year old...THAT made MY day. I wanna laugh and roll on the floor but I can't cos' I'm in the library.

I wanna holler at my girls who went out with me yesterday. One of the best times I had since like ever. Thank you. We went down to beach road. Man, I sooo didn't know that there is such things as roti john MACARENA or roti john BRAD PITT. What's that suppose to mean? Oh and you guys should know Angelina just adopted another child, Pax Thien. Doesn't she like totally rocks???:Okay enough talking pics now!

Foods galore...

Sarah lookin' all fierce

sweeties

Hey peeps.
Guess i'm back for this little while. Actually just to tell you guys a very very very bad news. I just lost my grandma. My beloved grandmother.When? On the 24th of Feb meaning last Saturday and we all thought we're going to lost grandpa on the same day too after my grandma. It was freaking scary. I can tell you when it comes to life and death its no fun. If you have a life live life.

I saw my grandma first in the mortuary. I haven't seen her for some time & when I saw her lifeless body I'm kind of in disbelief but from Allah we came to Allah we return. All that rushing to the emergency ward wasn't worth it somehow I knew I was gonna lose her before we got there.

To my grandma : I will always love you...I will always remember you.I forgive you. May Allah bless your soul... Al- Fatihah.

To my grandpa: Please don't go too soon I love you too much to let go for now. I'm not ready. Please stay with me grandpa. Please be strong...I know it'll be hard without her. You lost your wives twice I know. Allah is testing you.Be strong like I'm tryna be

I'm gonna see my grandpa soon. Well this is fate. I just lost a bestfriend like a few months ago, now my grandma. Subhanallah... I'm being truly tested. Aku redha ya allah.Aku redha...

Hey people.
maybe i should forget everything.
Everything. Everything.
Forget I've even liked Ryan ross.
Cos' he no longer exists only his music lives.
maybe i should forget this blog even exists.
I'm tired of writing about me.
I don't even know what to do with this life anymore.
I'm not sick of it I'm just bored.
lonely.I don't know where to begin.
I'm feeling sad but I don't know why?
Every night I'll go to sleep crying...
I feel there's like no meaning in this life.
Maybe this life is just fo us to live & die.
Maybe i live for allah & allah only.
Somebody please bring meaning to this life.
Bring that girl I want to meet before I die.
Let her fill the emptiness that's eating me up inside.

Maybe love of that girl-guy sort wasn't meant for me,
But the kind of love I really want is from a child you see.
even though she's not mine, in my heart she'll always be.
My Ulfah Muyassarah hurry up.I can't wait any longer,my baby.

its only a matter of time before I say goodbye to this blog.
I need to find time,space & something for me to live for.
This'll be my last entry for now you see.
Wish that I'd comeback soon enough.
In a case of higher spirits.
















This happy face is not everything that you know.

Hey people.
Haven't been feeling myself lately. Really. I mean I'm alone,lonely but is that because I like to be alone? see, I haven't figured that out yet.Oh yeah & people I forgot to put up the photo of Sakina's gift that I made.

Soo here it is>>>



















Sweet right? But I just thought I could have done better with the illustration. But I think I did good on my first try.I did up the frame too by the way.
After this is like a poem I did up. Maybe I should start back on my writing. Maybe I'll be a lyricists one day but hey for now I'm just a plain writer. oh anyway this isn't about Mr. A haha I'm like sooooo over him.

Forbidden Love

Maybe I should drug myself to sleep tonight
So I can sleep tight
So I can escape from my pain & sorrows
These pains that’s making me hollow

I’d rather sleep than being awake,
Because realizing that you’re not by my side (every waking moment)
Is just as good as being dead

The dreams I had are just dreams
Its just mind games
I wish they were true
Cause then I would have you.

I feel like I’ve know you for a lifetime but
You don’t know a thing about me,
Somehow I fell in love with you
But how could that be?

Maybe it’s your pretty face,
Or your song that’s stuck in my head,
Or maybe it’s just your voice ringing in my ear,
A voice I’ve been longing to hear
But you’re nowhere near.

I’m lonely you know
I’m empty without you
Come close to me if you’re willing to let me have you
But then again what can I do?
Cause I’ve fallen for the impossible.

Maybe I should drug myself to sleep tonight
Maybe I should be overdosed
So I’ll never wake up
And realize my painful sorrows.
Cause I can’t live without you darling…
Forgive me cause I can’t bare to live with the truth…
God forbids love between me and you…

PS: if you know what I mean.

This saturday is fad's 100th days.sigh... i don't know if I can keep this blog anymore. Lets see If I can keep this up any longer.

Hey people.
I'm exhausted super exhausted with thoughts and thoughts and lots of it to come about. What about? one word 'future'. what am I going to do after polytechnic? I have plans but I hope that all can be reached. One thing I know is I can't wait to get out of here. Ya Allah please help me...

Ok sooooo what happened on my weekend? I love my recent Saturday.Yay! Black & white Partay done. The only people were me, amy and kin. That sounds pathetic. I know. I was pretty upset, sad... yeah I was feeling real down but I

(hershey's cake 4 sakinah)

kept my head up high & play my role cause it was suppose to be a party. I wish fad was still here.

Well here's the photos as promised to Sakinah.


(B.b-day girl 1 pathetic blowing candle)why B.b-day girl. B stands for Belated haha.

(sheesh tak abis2 nak act cute)

This is what they call "decent nonsense"

3s a crowd for a bus seat!

buang tebiat... fierce konon la tu ...kekeke

So who do I look like?

Me & Kin

Kin & Amy

That very same saturday nite. My dad treats my maternal side of the family to dinner @ jalan Kayu so the food's great. everything that's f.o.c is of course great tasting. I suddenly realise how much I miss my cousins.basically my family members...

Me, kak Azie & my younger sis.

My parents, i know you people be thinking hey my mom is so fair and I'm tanned!

My aunts, grandparents

Haziq, my darling idraki and afiq

I just got to pose this pic the baby's too cute.

Guess what phone this boy got at the age of 11. A phone that is waaaaaaaaaayy updated compared to me:o
Should I just stop here & post up the pictures remaining next time? Yep I think so too so that's part 1 for u... Next post will be about me re-reading my old diaries & discovered something...

Hey people.
So yea. felt like blogging how I feel today. The truth is the day went good till it becomes haiyo I don't want to say....Only thing I can tell you my blood pressure is rising.. Am hungry now. But I can't eat yet can I? Cos' nobody's gonna take care of my lappy. I'm angry but I can't tell you why... I hate this part about blogging.Because I don't wanna defame anybody in any ways either direct or not. So I simply don't wanna be the bad person although blog is called your personal space I just feel that its not because the pubic can view you.

Sooo I wanna talk about Panic! At The Disco. Yeah what about. Of course about the 2 persons that are taking the limelight Brendon Urie and Ryan Ross. To people out ther so what if they ARE gay or NOT? It's their life. And weren't you suppose to love their music & not just their pretty faces? haha you may say I love Ross because he is a pretty boy. But wait a minute the truth is I love their MUSIC even before I love ROSS. I listen to them but I don't even know how they look like till like a month ago! So yea their music rocks. I first listened to them when Late Faddyna introduced their music to me mid last year.I love u Fad.

K K got to go now and pray if I don't wanna be late for Oscars:)

Ryan: It's kind of disappointing and disgusting in a way, how some people are focusing on how we look. I think a lot of those things we think are special — the way we dress, the things we put into our stage show — some fans don't even realize that because they're just drooling over (frontman) Brendon (Urie). I feel like it taints the music

A personal message to Ryan Ross according to the quote he gave above in some interview:
Hey, you should be happy and blessed that you guys have pretty faces. Your music's good but without those faces you guys can't get nowhere that is in the context of today's world. But I still love your music better than u.But whatever it is that was how u felt than so it is cos' I can't say nothing cos' I'm NOONE.

Hey people.
Yea so what am I suppose to be doing now but yet what am I doing??? I'm suppose to like study!!! But I'm blogging, finishing up the design of the name cards, hmm what else eh? oh ya watching Panic!at the disco's Ryan Ross... he's sooo cute & sooo hot. Oh ok. ya wanna get a look at him? wait a sec...






SO SO cute & Hot!

Ohh ya and finishing up someone's b-day prezzie I totally can't wait for this saturday! haha.Ok before anyone things I'm a pedophile... this boy is 19 k???haha he looks young just like me.kekeke
I think i made a mistake of coming to school. A huge mistake. K this entry will sound sad apart from Ryan ross:) I always see him and her. Yea for those who know what am I talking about. I didn't know it's gonna hurt this much. My heart's bruised & bleeding.Now I am sooooo ready to go for internship & leave school totally for the whole 5 months. If I could I've would have gone as far as UK or USA for an internship.haha tapi takde pulus dok:)

Well today someone sat with me for his lunch so I'm not alone for that moment & had someone to talk to, thank you.you know who you are:)

I think I'll study on the way home. i think I'll take bus 156 home from Clementi to enjoy the long way scenery + study alone. I'm alone again. I think I have to find more friends,friends to hangout with.Seriously I've been hanging out with myself only for the past few weeks. I shop alone. Hangout alone. My sister's got a boyfriend so yea there's no time for her elder sister anymore.That's sad right? Most of my friends are busy...Sometimes I wish Fad was here. we always depend on each other.I never felt soooo empty in my entire life. ya Allah, kaulah sahaja tempat hati ku ini mengadu...

Now I really feel that to love is suicide... Someone remind me to not ever fall in love with a stranger ever again. Let me get you to picture what it is like between me and Mr.A... Watch this video from 'So you think you can dance' if you understand this contemporary dance routine... you'll know what I mean. The song " calling you" means a thing or 2.



To Mr. A:

I'm tired, i'm exhausted of these feelings for you,
I'm dying on the inside which noone can see,
This is the emptiest i've ever felt because of you,
Maybe I should blame myself for letting you in ,
When I could have just shut you out from the beginning,
Please let me go...
Or I'm the one who should let you go.
But I keep holding on to you why?
Have I fallen too deep?
But I don't really know you.
How could I?
Just to let you know I still do pray for you,
For your happiness,
For your everything,
I wish you both the best
It is best if I leave you for now,
Cause you don't need me and you never did.
If in circumstances we were to meet again later in life...
I'll tell you now & tell you the truth
I will always love you... remember that

"Excuse me ,think I've mistaken you for somebody else somebody who gave a damn...somebody more like myself..." Jewel-foolish games

Now i'm being entertained by Adila online although I'm lonely I know somebody cares for me...sigh I miss her too much. I admit I'm not brave enough to let you people know him who is this guy who broke my heart yet but it is just not right to do so...Cause it isn't his fault.It's my fault totally for falling for the impossible...


K I got to go now...