Hey people.
maybe i should forget everything.
Everything. Everything.
Forget I've even liked Ryan ross.
Cos' he no longer exists only his music lives.
maybe i should forget this blog even exists.
I'm tired of writing about me.
I don't even know what to do with this life anymore.
I'm not sick of it I'm just bored.
lonely.I don't know where to begin.
I'm feeling sad but I don't know why?
Every night I'll go to sleep crying...
I feel there's like no meaning in this life.
Maybe this life is just fo us to live & die.
Maybe i live for allah & allah only.
Somebody please bring meaning to this life.
Bring that girl I want to meet before I die.
Let her fill the emptiness that's eating me up inside.

Maybe love of that girl-guy sort wasn't meant for me,
But the kind of love I really want is from a child you see.
even though she's not mine, in my heart she'll always be.
My Ulfah Muyassarah hurry up.I can't wait any longer,my baby.

its only a matter of time before I say goodbye to this blog.
I need to find time,space & something for me to live for.
This'll be my last entry for now you see.
Wish that I'd comeback soon enough.
In a case of higher spirits.
















This happy face is not everything that you know.

Hey people.
Haven't been feeling myself lately. Really. I mean I'm alone,lonely but is that because I like to be alone? see, I haven't figured that out yet.Oh yeah & people I forgot to put up the photo of Sakina's gift that I made.

Soo here it is>>>



















Sweet right? But I just thought I could have done better with the illustration. But I think I did good on my first try.I did up the frame too by the way.
After this is like a poem I did up. Maybe I should start back on my writing. Maybe I'll be a lyricists one day but hey for now I'm just a plain writer. oh anyway this isn't about Mr. A haha I'm like sooooo over him.

Forbidden Love

Maybe I should drug myself to sleep tonight
So I can sleep tight
So I can escape from my pain & sorrows
These pains that’s making me hollow

I’d rather sleep than being awake,
Because realizing that you’re not by my side (every waking moment)
Is just as good as being dead

The dreams I had are just dreams
Its just mind games
I wish they were true
Cause then I would have you.

I feel like I’ve know you for a lifetime but
You don’t know a thing about me,
Somehow I fell in love with you
But how could that be?

Maybe it’s your pretty face,
Or your song that’s stuck in my head,
Or maybe it’s just your voice ringing in my ear,
A voice I’ve been longing to hear
But you’re nowhere near.

I’m lonely you know
I’m empty without you
Come close to me if you’re willing to let me have you
But then again what can I do?
Cause I’ve fallen for the impossible.

Maybe I should drug myself to sleep tonight
Maybe I should be overdosed
So I’ll never wake up
And realize my painful sorrows.
Cause I can’t live without you darling…
Forgive me cause I can’t bare to live with the truth…
God forbids love between me and you…

PS: if you know what I mean.

This saturday is fad's 100th days.sigh... i don't know if I can keep this blog anymore. Lets see If I can keep this up any longer.

Hey people.
I'm exhausted super exhausted with thoughts and thoughts and lots of it to come about. What about? one word 'future'. what am I going to do after polytechnic? I have plans but I hope that all can be reached. One thing I know is I can't wait to get out of here. Ya Allah please help me...

Ok sooooo what happened on my weekend? I love my recent Saturday.Yay! Black & white Partay done. The only people were me, amy and kin. That sounds pathetic. I know. I was pretty upset, sad... yeah I was feeling real down but I

(hershey's cake 4 sakinah)

kept my head up high & play my role cause it was suppose to be a party. I wish fad was still here.

Well here's the photos as promised to Sakinah.


(B.b-day girl 1 pathetic blowing candle)why B.b-day girl. B stands for Belated haha.

(sheesh tak abis2 nak act cute)

This is what they call "decent nonsense"

3s a crowd for a bus seat!

buang tebiat... fierce konon la tu ...kekeke

So who do I look like?

Me & Kin

Kin & Amy

That very same saturday nite. My dad treats my maternal side of the family to dinner @ jalan Kayu so the food's great. everything that's f.o.c is of course great tasting. I suddenly realise how much I miss my cousins.basically my family members...

Me, kak Azie & my younger sis.

My parents, i know you people be thinking hey my mom is so fair and I'm tanned!

My aunts, grandparents

Haziq, my darling idraki and afiq

I just got to pose this pic the baby's too cute.

Guess what phone this boy got at the age of 11. A phone that is waaaaaaaaaayy updated compared to me:o
Should I just stop here & post up the pictures remaining next time? Yep I think so too so that's part 1 for u... Next post will be about me re-reading my old diaries & discovered something...

Hey people.
So yea. felt like blogging how I feel today. The truth is the day went good till it becomes haiyo I don't want to say....Only thing I can tell you my blood pressure is rising.. Am hungry now. But I can't eat yet can I? Cos' nobody's gonna take care of my lappy. I'm angry but I can't tell you why... I hate this part about blogging.Because I don't wanna defame anybody in any ways either direct or not. So I simply don't wanna be the bad person although blog is called your personal space I just feel that its not because the pubic can view you.

Sooo I wanna talk about Panic! At The Disco. Yeah what about. Of course about the 2 persons that are taking the limelight Brendon Urie and Ryan Ross. To people out ther so what if they ARE gay or NOT? It's their life. And weren't you suppose to love their music & not just their pretty faces? haha you may say I love Ross because he is a pretty boy. But wait a minute the truth is I love their MUSIC even before I love ROSS. I listen to them but I don't even know how they look like till like a month ago! So yea their music rocks. I first listened to them when Late Faddyna introduced their music to me mid last year.I love u Fad.

K K got to go now and pray if I don't wanna be late for Oscars:)

Ryan: It's kind of disappointing and disgusting in a way, how some people are focusing on how we look. I think a lot of those things we think are special — the way we dress, the things we put into our stage show — some fans don't even realize that because they're just drooling over (frontman) Brendon (Urie). I feel like it taints the music

A personal message to Ryan Ross according to the quote he gave above in some interview:
Hey, you should be happy and blessed that you guys have pretty faces. Your music's good but without those faces you guys can't get nowhere that is in the context of today's world. But I still love your music better than u.But whatever it is that was how u felt than so it is cos' I can't say nothing cos' I'm NOONE.

Hey people.
Yea so what am I suppose to be doing now but yet what am I doing??? I'm suppose to like study!!! But I'm blogging, finishing up the design of the name cards, hmm what else eh? oh ya watching Panic!at the disco's Ryan Ross... he's sooo cute & sooo hot. Oh ok. ya wanna get a look at him? wait a sec...






SO SO cute & Hot!

Ohh ya and finishing up someone's b-day prezzie I totally can't wait for this saturday! haha.Ok before anyone things I'm a pedophile... this boy is 19 k???haha he looks young just like me.kekeke
I think i made a mistake of coming to school. A huge mistake. K this entry will sound sad apart from Ryan ross:) I always see him and her. Yea for those who know what am I talking about. I didn't know it's gonna hurt this much. My heart's bruised & bleeding.Now I am sooooo ready to go for internship & leave school totally for the whole 5 months. If I could I've would have gone as far as UK or USA for an internship.haha tapi takde pulus dok:)

Well today someone sat with me for his lunch so I'm not alone for that moment & had someone to talk to, thank you.you know who you are:)

I think I'll study on the way home. i think I'll take bus 156 home from Clementi to enjoy the long way scenery + study alone. I'm alone again. I think I have to find more friends,friends to hangout with.Seriously I've been hanging out with myself only for the past few weeks. I shop alone. Hangout alone. My sister's got a boyfriend so yea there's no time for her elder sister anymore.That's sad right? Most of my friends are busy...Sometimes I wish Fad was here. we always depend on each other.I never felt soooo empty in my entire life. ya Allah, kaulah sahaja tempat hati ku ini mengadu...

Now I really feel that to love is suicide... Someone remind me to not ever fall in love with a stranger ever again. Let me get you to picture what it is like between me and Mr.A... Watch this video from 'So you think you can dance' if you understand this contemporary dance routine... you'll know what I mean. The song " calling you" means a thing or 2.



To Mr. A:

I'm tired, i'm exhausted of these feelings for you,
I'm dying on the inside which noone can see,
This is the emptiest i've ever felt because of you,
Maybe I should blame myself for letting you in ,
When I could have just shut you out from the beginning,
Please let me go...
Or I'm the one who should let you go.
But I keep holding on to you why?
Have I fallen too deep?
But I don't really know you.
How could I?
Just to let you know I still do pray for you,
For your happiness,
For your everything,
I wish you both the best
It is best if I leave you for now,
Cause you don't need me and you never did.
If in circumstances we were to meet again later in life...
I'll tell you now & tell you the truth
I will always love you... remember that

"Excuse me ,think I've mistaken you for somebody else somebody who gave a damn...somebody more like myself..." Jewel-foolish games

Now i'm being entertained by Adila online although I'm lonely I know somebody cares for me...sigh I miss her too much. I admit I'm not brave enough to let you people know him who is this guy who broke my heart yet but it is just not right to do so...Cause it isn't his fault.It's my fault totally for falling for the impossible...


K I got to go now...