Today marks the twelfth day of Ramadan, it is also the beginning of a school term as an educator at the same school for 6 years honestly I have lost my spark and do not want to be doing this anymore. I am so exhausted of doing the same routine. I started Ramadan happy but now I feel depressed all over again like before Ramadan. I have no idea why I've stopped sewing as well. I used to love sewing so much that just the thought of it makes me delighted. My only escape is to sleep. And for someone who doesn't favour sleeping so much, I've been sleeping a lot as well.
I am in need of a fresh environment. I want to just do things that I love. Oh, Allah please grant me patience in my sad heart. Ramadan has been a fruitful time for me to get closer to you ya Allah. The night time makes me happy the most as I can do congregational prayers. I think my life is lacking in activities as well. I feel blessed that I'm in a relaxed mode but at the same time I feel down because I wish I can hang out more. My friends and I used to hang out a lot when we were younger. Nowadays meeting with them even for a short while makes me the happiest. Sometimes I wish I can go back to the time when i was in secondary school.I had a blast as I get to meet my friends daily and I can honestly say that is the highest point in my life and nothing can beat that time thus far. Even though my dad was in depression back then, no matter how stressful life was, my friends were there. I didn't have money, didn't come from a wealthy family but still I am happy. Friends were like my drug that numb me from all the pain. Nowadays, with that gone, sleep is like a drug. O Allah, I hope I can find that spark again in life. I'm so exhausted ya Allah. So exhausted.
However, I want to thank Allah for my last trip to Korea. It brought back the smile and glow on my face. I truly felt happy again even though it was for a mere 3 weeks. Those 3 weeks are what I look back on. Ya Allah give me the strength to continue being a good Muslim and living life to the fullest.
