Demi allah

For Allahs sake,  I love you.  But may be some things in this life are not meant to be.  May be you are the right person whom I met at the wrong time.  I will keep on loving and praying for you. For your happiness and peace.  Whenever I think of you , I leave it up to Allah., for he knows best.  Whenever u talk about other women,  my heart bleeds.  i refuse to be jelly of all the things they did with u.  I am not chasing this life as much as I want to chase jannah.  And if I reach it,  I will ask Allah to call upon you or...  Create me a husband that looks like you and has your personality. One that can get along with me , one that I can look at with love and  sympathy.

Oh Allah this year hasn't been easiest for me in terms of work and even love. When I thought that you sent love to me, you sent one so poisonous. The poison paralysed me for quite some time. I love him ya allah. Is there any ways that I can stop all this ? How can I forget him ya allah. I want to cut ties with him but I am not the kind of person to do so.

Ya Allah let my love life from this day forward be simpler, less hurtful and let me at least able to get the kind of man that I want in this life. Ya Allah I admit I am slow. But there must be a reason why I still am single till now.

 Ya Allah I love him. Protect him. Keep him safe. Lastly let me be able to meet him in jannah. Let him remember what he lost.

Unlucky in love

Sometimes I look at my sister, I feel envious. Why? She found the love of her life too easily. While me...I always, always don't get the ones that I love. My first love whom I still think or dream of on some days. He is one I will never forget. I didn't and will never get the chance to tell him that I love him. He will always be one of the best memories I have in my life.

This second love that I have , that is distorted in soooo many ways. One that I cannot pin any hopes or dreams on. One that I have to be selfless. I have never been selfish but I have to be even more selfless in this one. I love him ya allah. I pray for him daily. He is far ya allah, far from me. But I want you to protect and look over him for me all the time. I know ya allah, he may not be the right person for me. But allah, if we are really not made for each other... Let him meet someone who loves him as much as I love him. Or meet, someone who will love him even more than I do. Someone who will accept him for everything that he is , his flaws and his perfection. Someone who will take good care of him. There is only one request I ask of you and I will never stop asking. I will never state it here. But I want only the best for him. Ya allah, please show him that my love for him is true and sincere. I can't believe I am crying while typing this. These days, I am not one that is easy to cry and break. I guess he means that much to me. Oh Allah, strengthen me to face whatever it is i have to. Please protect the man who owns my heart. With that, I love you and I miss you 박주호.

Love note for ㅂㅈㅎ

To love is to be selfless,  to love is to care about others more than yourself.  To love may be the most painful thing for some. But love doesn't always have to hurt.  My love is to heal the broken you... May u heal my sayang. I miss your face, your voice ,your smile and our petty arguments.  I miss u

Love Note

It's been over a day or two, that I don't hear from him. I know that he needs that space and time that he craves for. Maybe he is hurt,sick , he is stressed and angry.

Ya Allah please look after him for me. Please free him from all the pain that he is feeling. I cannot bear to see him in pain or stress. I want him to be happy. The other day, when we fought and I became the source of his pain I really regretted it. He is always in my heart and mind. I wish he knows how precious he is to me. I wish I was physically near to him. So I could help him. I know that he could hurt me emotionally or physically but I am not afraid.

June will be the sixth month that I know him, sometimes I wonder how did I fall for him so fast and so hard. But ya allah, he makes me very happy. I feel the deepest connection with him even though we have never met in person. Right now , i just want to hug him tight and tell him everything will be alright and that he shouldn't be terrified of life that I will be here for him forever,  no matter what our relationship may be...  Complicated , friends , husband and wife ... I will always be here for him.  He can count on me.  Baby,  I know you are scared but I will always be here I promise. 

Baby,  많이 보고 싶어. I want to tell the world how much I love you , but I am afraid you won't like it.... 베이비 사랑해.. 넘 그리워해서 안아주고 싶어 . I hope you are okay wherever you are and whatever you are doing. I love you my sayang ❤️💙

Live in the present

I resigned my fate to Allah.  I am amazed at my capacity to love someone despite knowing his darker side . I still love him the same and nothing changed. I just pray he will have a peace of mind and heart in this life and also I pray hard I can call you to jannah in the hereafter that's how much I love you . 
Yes baby,  I know you might be reading this someday or somewhere. Please know that I will love you as much and as long as I can