Just because I have yet to reach those higher milestones in my life does not mean I regret the way I'm living. I believe that the time will come where I will be ready and everything will fall into place. The time is not now because I have other things I still do want to achieve. I remember I posted an entry here approximately 8 years ago on how I would like to live independently and work overseas. That dream is still in my heart, even though the desire to do it has somewhat decreased over the years. As you get older you get less confident and somehow you have this growing fear in you. A fear that will swallow you whole if you don't stop overthinking. However, that dream, even though the desire has decreased and overwashed with time; it didn't die.
No matter how much I debate myself on not doing this, I can't bring myself to defeat the dream. I have to do it else I will regret. I hope that when I'm living my dream there I would meet someone... a soulmate if possible. Someone who would accept my stubbornness, someone who would make me smile and someone who warms my heart just by me looking at him. Sometimes I think to love is the greatest fear of all. For I am always in love with people who are impossible to meet or people who are taken. Why? Because these people can never let me down. I am also picky to the point where the types of guy whom I always fall for are those that are near impossible to get. There will always be the difference in culture, race and religion. It is not that I don't like my own people. It is just that, I don't know what is wrong with me... I keep on getting attracted to those who are totally different from me. This post will be nice to see again, if I were to get married in the future to see who my future spouse will be.
