Ya Allah,

it hasn't been easy. All i can think of is... why he did it to me? why does he hurt me? Why am I not enough... even if he says that i am the best person with the best character he has ever met. Even when he calls me an angel. Why does it hurt that he still doesn't choose me? Why does the criteria of being chosen is money? How come... when he chose the other person over me, money wasn't a criteria at all. Ya Allah, and the worst part is ... the worst part is, I still love him very very much. I wish he knew the amount of pain he has brought upon me. I wish he can see how much I have sacrificed for him. Most of all sacrificed my feelings and my heart for him...

I don't want to start 2021 on a bad note. But this is my first time crying because of him again. Maybe i should run away from him far far away from him and don't look back. 

The only problem i will have is how much i will miss him if i do. Allah only u know how much i am waiting for him to come.