FED UP

Dear Allah,

This is an open letter to you. Please ya Allah please help me. Please let that man just listen for once. I feel so trapped with the way he treats me ya Allah. His words only hurts me the whole time. He said that I've hurt him? I am tired... I am tired of being blame. And I only can blame myself for being a horrible person because I truly am. I am not perfect. I am rude. I know I am not suppose to fight back but I just can't stand it any longer. But from now I promise to keep my mouth shut. Ya Allah please protect me, please forgive me. All these things that are going on here is hurting me sooo much please ya allah make my faith stronger. The devils around me I can feel them they are sooo clear in wanting to steer me away & further away from you. I am still holding on to you & please don't let go cause I will do all I can and never let go. Because the only thing I want in the end is to meet u, Allah. Please ya Allah this journey is long and arduous, full of obstacles please let me come out victorious when you take me to be with you . Jadikanlah aku hamba yang ikhlas & bertaqwa. amin.

PS: Change of subject engagement is going to be my next topic ;) Leave a message & cheer me up :)

Tough Times

Been going through tough times lately. All I can do is pray to Allah & to be strong and persevere. The only place i will pour my heart out is here & during my duties to Allah. So bear with me, I won't tell you exactly & why. But there is this very stubborn man that I just can't seem to cooperate with. Yes I am rebellious.

Been doing lots of thinking lately, whether I wanna continue this career path or venture into a new area or place. I was thinking of giving this job 6 years, 6 years feels long by the end of it I will be 26? By then I think I should have a few things in hand like a degree? But in what? I am contemplating a lot.

I've been thinking maybe to venture off to another country to work by the end of 6 years insyaallah if this plan works well I'll pick a new place to call home. I will be stepping out of Singapore to look for interesting places by end of this year i hope. Lots of things to do, to think let's put marriage aside that is too complicated to put in the picture now cause I have no one to share my life to begin with. But bottomline is I want to if possible marry someone of another nationality (LOL) ask me why I'll answer. I'll leave that at that.

Meanwhile, I've been learning another language to occupy my spare time ahahaha which I don't have much of these days since school started anyways thought I'd share my Raya 2009 photos with the readers(if there is any to begin with)

Saranghae. you've got to love life for its ups & downs. Hopefully we will all end our life on a happy note that will play through the after life.

Ya Allah

Ya allah ampunkanlah aku. Pemikiran ku amat kusut. Ampunilah aku kerana terfikir yg buruk tentang mu ampunilah ku ya allah. Aku rasa peperanganku dengan syaitan tidak akan pernah berakhir sampai aku tutup mata. Jikalau aku terbuat dosa secara sengaja atau tidak. Dibawah pengaruh syaitan atau tidak ampunilah aku ya allah

Misses & Fears

I fear what is gonna happen after my 3 years contract. What am I gonna do with life? I want my life to reach of a higher level in happiness and I don't want me to have a boring no life kinda deal... I want to hmmm... travel and sigh. I really don't know what to do yet.

In short, I miss my friends a lot.

Why?

Just tell me what's wrong can? Don't make me feel guilty. 

Inspired By...

Ever since someone asked me to design their wedding dress. I've been designing like crazy its like my passion for designing has been rekindled. So i decided to upload my first 5 pieces of design just to get people's opinions and reactions. Their feedback is amazing and I've been thinking, from now on I'm gonna take my apparel designing seriously. I will take it a step further once I have gotten my sewing skill. I'll start a small online business selling my designs.

I borrowed a book the other day which is ' fashion illustration by fashion designers' and gosh I am SOOOO inspired by the illustrations of well known designers such badgley mischka, ricardo tiscci the man who designed givenchy, isaac mizrahi, michael vollbracht, peter som and the best i've seen and love are illustrations from Costello tagliapietra.





There are some more coming up I will keep u posted :)

Workaholic

Sushi smiles again.

Hello everyone, yes back to blogging.
I am so thankful for all the wonderful things in my life right now. Alhamdulillah, its like whatever I have fought so hard for is finally coming round to me. I am getting better. I can't thank Allah enough. I hope I won't forget HIM after all the great things HE has granted me & be much more rajin to mengerjakan ibadah or amal kebaikan.

Ever since I started work. I am dreading weekends. I look forward to go to school every single day. I love executing my lesson plans, love hanging out with my hot, hip & cool colleagues. LOL. But one thing that always put a smile on my face every single day is the fact that I have photos of my favourite girls on my desk. I have yet to take a photo of my barely decorated desk but I do have photo of my once empty desk :) I have to put more stuff in.

I don't want to move in and settle too much because I'll be off in a month plus or so. I can start settling in next year cause i'll be there for 3 years, hopefully I do well and comeback for more. Insyaallah. I feel that I have the desire to see my students succeed or destined for great things.

One thing I hate though, I hate scolding them for they don't do my homework. There is this one particular boy whom I know personally, I know he is rude but when I scold him, I feel like crying. It makes me feel like I am a horrible person :( I hate scolding I want them to have fun in my class and love going to school. Only if they are MORE enthusiastic to do exercises. I have to plan more educational games. Everytime I remember this boy I really do feel like crying because I know his situation but I can't help him if he doesn't want to help himself. Allah please guide me so I can help him. Here are pics of my pencil holder , once empty desk & the painting i did for my first week of Art course( IT IS UGLY can't blame me though I was rushing to go off)

My once empty desk now filled with a mini HP laptop to help me keep in touch with my outside world ahaha.

My once empty rack, now filled with books

My cute cat stationary holder that is now on the table filled with colourful pens

My painting on a canvas I was too ashamed to put it on my desk because this is not the best and I can do better than this.
Some outings in the past weeks :

With Sakinah

With Tim the clownsellor

With Syazzy Dearest

With Sakinah again ( My sushi buddy) we went to Shintokyo to stop our cravings for sushi.
PS: I made Roti John Jr. today. Will post the pic tomorrow.

Q & A

I had a little Q& A session with the kids whom I ajar mengaji. At first we mingle about wrestling then...it leads to me telling them I'm on a diet. Then the youngest there asked me : Kakak kenapa nak diet? Kakak kan in perfect shape? LOL I laughed a lot at this which is kinda cute, hilarious.

Other Questions they asked me:

Q: How old are you?
A: 21

Q: You have a boyfriend?
A: Never

Q: When are you going to have one?
A: I don't know!

Upon seeing Jin Hao's photo on my phone :
Q: Is that your boyfriend?
A: No, he is my good friend

Q: Why isn't he your boyfriend?
A: Because the world is gonna turn upside down if he becomes my boyfriend

Where do I begin?

Seriously where do I start, I think work has crept up on me & time is moving too fast that I feel like it should stop OR I should stop and take a breather.

I've gotten my own desk/cubicle, I don't get all the hype of decorating my desk. I will do it...eventually. I want to sit & talk to someone or anyone to let my thoughts out but no one seem willing to do so OR I have bottled my feelings too much that I don't know how to get it out. I feel like I'm stuck in a shell & I don't know how to get out. Maybe I am too guarded & I have built these walls around me to protect myself, man I'm starting to type bs already. Ya Allah please guide me. I am looking forward if anyone can reach out & touch me (metaphorically speaking).

Psych

I love to think that I got psychic powers. I don't know is it me or what, I know people too well, especially those who are close to me. Even on MSN i know when they are upset, happy without them telling me. What is that called? Telepathy? LOL I don't know.

Anyways side track me & Sakinah have planned!!! We are going to KL via Train back & forth next summer! What am I talking about? Singapore have only Summer! But I probably thinking of making it faster, end of this year maybe. I can't wait. toodles ~

I Hate It When...

• Someone's being plain rude
  
• Someone still in love with a person who hurts & treats them bad.
  
• I always doubt myself
  
• Someone who is indecisive
  
• A random guy approaches me & talk casual
  
• And finally, when I feel like I'm far from Allah

Today went out with Sakinah I had fun. Many stuff happens today , the bad, the awkward & the good. But I'm just too tired to tell so let me just put pics of us eating putu piring =)

We were clearly enjoying our Putu Pirings

Fluffy white soft & sugary putu piring

We ate roti john first hers is cheesy mine was the normal one.

Thanks Sakinah kerana melayan kempunan aku.

Ya Allah please bring me closer to you because I will only want to be with you and closer to you. amin.

Take My Tortured Heart By The Hand

Yeah you read that right. My tortured heart. Maybe nobody realised that I am having the worse times in life right now... Only Allah knows. Well maybe my smiles & my laughters are what I can standby and hide behind for now. I don't wanna show the cracks that are appearing. I am a great liar...

If you're smart you can see it***.

Call Me A Freak...

I spent hours cleaning up my wardrobe & room. I swear I was just trying to occupy my time & I was bored. So take a look...

My make up section ahaha look what's hanging I call them my HANG bags. I actually also cleaned up the drawers under it where my clutches & belts are.

Look at this haha the one on the left is humaira's & mine's on the right. Humaira's a little messy but you know just need to arrange the clothes that's all. All of those are hers except for the judo outfit! After all the cleaning I went to watch Dr.Seuss a bit than I watched Ricky Martin shake his stuff which made me fell asleep. Let's call it a day~

The Climb Has Been Reached

Alhamdulillah. Thank u Allah my prayers have been answered. Thank you everyone for their prayers & well wishes. I got the job at Yio Chu Kang Primary School.Well this is where my new journey will begin & a new climb to start on. I am a little nervous about it as it is at my own primary school. I'd have prefer at a school where no one knows me but I am VERY thankful that I got the job at all so it does not matter.

A lot of good things have been happening lately. I got the job, the long awaited picnic which have been planned for years finally happened but its sad to think that she wasn't at the picnic with us. I remembered whenever picnic plans were cancelled she got angry but hey don't look back people say but I miss her a lot. The other day I heard the song emotions on the radio it reminded me of her. :( Well one day we will sure meet again my dear. So on a happier note, photos for everyone.



Me & my bestie

Aisyah the photographer

I know this photo is funny... Now here comes the much teased about photo

laugh all you want!

These guys made my day :)

Jordon, Bryan , Danny & Jin Kai. They had to do a super simple presentation today. Watch em! All of them are super cute. My class is too noisy :P

Jordon


Bryan


Jin Kai


Danny


I know that Bryan's the best presenter but I think Jin Kai is sooo cute :)

My Interesting Interview

I went in and there were 3 people waiting to interview me... Scary!

The Climb

Guess what happy to know maybe insyaallah I am almost there.

The Climb By Miley Cyrus. Oh yeah very inspiring lyrics.

I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head sayin,
You'll never reach it,
Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on, cause

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb (yeah)

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb (yeah yeah ea ea)

Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It's all about
It's all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith

Haute Pins Got A New Look!

Go check it out & comment. Though please be reminded that its not complete =)
http://hautepins.bravehost.com

Untitled

Ya Allah aku harus kuat. Aku tak mahu menangis ya allah. Tapi aku tewas pabila aku menghadapmu ya Allah. Sesungguhnya dugaan yang kau beri ini berat malah aku harus fikir bahawa ada insan yang lain yang lebih menderita dariku. Kuatkanlah aku ya Allah, kuatkan imanku untuk menghadap segala cabaran mu ya allah sesungguhnya aku lemah kau bantu aku ya allah. Bantulah aku ya allah sesungguhnya kau tempat memohon & bergantung segala sesuatu.

Outing with...

Fatimah to Causeway Point with my little niece. It was a fine outing, catching up with her. Its been a long time since I last saw her. My niece is coughing now prolly due to the icy cold 100 plus she drank. sheesh. I brought her out to see how it feels to have a toddler. Hmm.. now i'm thinking do I really wanna have a baby? I caught a really cute photo of the both of them.

I call this a lucky shot. So cute together.
Ya Allah please3 dapatkan aku kerja itu amin.

Dinner @ Pastamania

Overall I am quite satisfied. Though some of us did not enjoy their food as it tasted bad. But anyhow we still enjoyed our conversations. Here are the pretty pics.

Sarah & Zila

Jackpot : All 3 wear tudung :D

The Meals

My favorite shot

In the bus going home.
I'm waiting for Sakinah's share of photos :P I enjoyed today thanks girls for making it happen finally.

On another note! Happy Maulidur Rasul!

Busy With Babies

So yesterday they came and left today in the evening. I am very tired. I was thinking wow if I had a baby would it be this exhausting? If it is, I am sooo gonna lose a lot of weight. So here are pics of the babes.

Rifqah & Rifqie

Me with the angel of mine

My mum with my favourite boy
PS: Amy that is the new shirt I bought the black with cherries or berries printed on it. another one is my graphic hijab that is on the hijab blog :P

What Did I do Today? Shoplah!

although I shopped for one clothing item ( have to be very thrifty now!) I am happy. This is what I have to say :
Happy with what I got out of shopping today. When shopping,patience is a virtue :)

Why? Because when you wait and slowly look around you'll find the best things.

PS: Next time I have to shop at a men's store for long t-shirts. Next on my list that I need are SHOES. And to friends, join twitter now. Thank you sooo much ryan ross for making me wanna have a twitter.

After Days Of Sleepless Nights...

I can finally kick back and relax for I am done!!! OK so here are the results of those sleepless days.

These photos are not meant to be together. I drew them separately but man it looks so united.

There are like 3 or 4 more drawings... I will put them up soon :) Hahaha I know this looks cute. Hopefully one day I get the chance to illustrate a storybook for children, that will be a dream come true. Insyaallah .... Well now I have to wait for the KA-CHing. ahahahah alhamdulillah

Illustration In Session

And so I had to help my cousin to do illustrations for 2 Malay folk tales or stories.
Bawang Putih Bawang Merah & Singapura Dilanggar Todak. I have to do the entire story, mind you. So far I did only the cover for both of the stories... I have many more pages to go & all have be done by WEDNESDAY :S Hopefully I can finish them up. And just for your entertainment & also because I'm tired out of my mind. Laugh all you want as I come up with Bahasa rojak storybook covers. haha. Leave comments on the illustrations though.


Bawang white bawang red

Singapura Dilanggar Swordfish
PS: Hahah the titles a joke . To keep me amused :D
2am already got to sleep as tomorrow will be a longer day of illustrating and tutoring...I am mentally tired just by the thought of tomorrow or is it later today.