Hey people.
I'm exhausted super exhausted with thoughts and thoughts and lots of it to come about. What about? one word 'future'. what am I going to do after polytechnic? I have plans but I hope that all can be reached. One thing I know is I can't wait to get out of here. Ya Allah please help me...

Ok sooooo what happened on my weekend? I love my recent Saturday.Yay! Black & white Partay done. The only people were me, amy and kin. That sounds pathetic. I know. I was pretty upset, sad... yeah I was feeling real down but I

(hershey's cake 4 sakinah)

kept my head up high & play my role cause it was suppose to be a party. I wish fad was still here.

Well here's the photos as promised to Sakinah.


(B.b-day girl 1 pathetic blowing candle)why B.b-day girl. B stands for Belated haha.

(sheesh tak abis2 nak act cute)

This is what they call "decent nonsense"

3s a crowd for a bus seat!

buang tebiat... fierce konon la tu ...kekeke

So who do I look like?

Me & Kin

Kin & Amy

That very same saturday nite. My dad treats my maternal side of the family to dinner @ jalan Kayu so the food's great. everything that's f.o.c is of course great tasting. I suddenly realise how much I miss my cousins.basically my family members...

Me, kak Azie & my younger sis.

My parents, i know you people be thinking hey my mom is so fair and I'm tanned!

My aunts, grandparents

Haziq, my darling idraki and afiq

I just got to pose this pic the baby's too cute.

Guess what phone this boy got at the age of 11. A phone that is waaaaaaaaaayy updated compared to me:o
Should I just stop here & post up the pictures remaining next time? Yep I think so too so that's part 1 for u... Next post will be about me re-reading my old diaries & discovered something...

Hey people.
So yea. felt like blogging how I feel today. The truth is the day went good till it becomes haiyo I don't want to say....Only thing I can tell you my blood pressure is rising.. Am hungry now. But I can't eat yet can I? Cos' nobody's gonna take care of my lappy. I'm angry but I can't tell you why... I hate this part about blogging.Because I don't wanna defame anybody in any ways either direct or not. So I simply don't wanna be the bad person although blog is called your personal space I just feel that its not because the pubic can view you.

Sooo I wanna talk about Panic! At The Disco. Yeah what about. Of course about the 2 persons that are taking the limelight Brendon Urie and Ryan Ross. To people out ther so what if they ARE gay or NOT? It's their life. And weren't you suppose to love their music & not just their pretty faces? haha you may say I love Ross because he is a pretty boy. But wait a minute the truth is I love their MUSIC even before I love ROSS. I listen to them but I don't even know how they look like till like a month ago! So yea their music rocks. I first listened to them when Late Faddyna introduced their music to me mid last year.I love u Fad.

K K got to go now and pray if I don't wanna be late for Oscars:)

Ryan: It's kind of disappointing and disgusting in a way, how some people are focusing on how we look. I think a lot of those things we think are special — the way we dress, the things we put into our stage show — some fans don't even realize that because they're just drooling over (frontman) Brendon (Urie). I feel like it taints the music

A personal message to Ryan Ross according to the quote he gave above in some interview:
Hey, you should be happy and blessed that you guys have pretty faces. Your music's good but without those faces you guys can't get nowhere that is in the context of today's world. But I still love your music better than u.But whatever it is that was how u felt than so it is cos' I can't say nothing cos' I'm NOONE.

Hey people.
Yea so what am I suppose to be doing now but yet what am I doing??? I'm suppose to like study!!! But I'm blogging, finishing up the design of the name cards, hmm what else eh? oh ya watching Panic!at the disco's Ryan Ross... he's sooo cute & sooo hot. Oh ok. ya wanna get a look at him? wait a sec...






SO SO cute & Hot!

Ohh ya and finishing up someone's b-day prezzie I totally can't wait for this saturday! haha.Ok before anyone things I'm a pedophile... this boy is 19 k???haha he looks young just like me.kekeke
I think i made a mistake of coming to school. A huge mistake. K this entry will sound sad apart from Ryan ross:) I always see him and her. Yea for those who know what am I talking about. I didn't know it's gonna hurt this much. My heart's bruised & bleeding.Now I am sooooo ready to go for internship & leave school totally for the whole 5 months. If I could I've would have gone as far as UK or USA for an internship.haha tapi takde pulus dok:)

Well today someone sat with me for his lunch so I'm not alone for that moment & had someone to talk to, thank you.you know who you are:)

I think I'll study on the way home. i think I'll take bus 156 home from Clementi to enjoy the long way scenery + study alone. I'm alone again. I think I have to find more friends,friends to hangout with.Seriously I've been hanging out with myself only for the past few weeks. I shop alone. Hangout alone. My sister's got a boyfriend so yea there's no time for her elder sister anymore.That's sad right? Most of my friends are busy...Sometimes I wish Fad was here. we always depend on each other.I never felt soooo empty in my entire life. ya Allah, kaulah sahaja tempat hati ku ini mengadu...

Now I really feel that to love is suicide... Someone remind me to not ever fall in love with a stranger ever again. Let me get you to picture what it is like between me and Mr.A... Watch this video from 'So you think you can dance' if you understand this contemporary dance routine... you'll know what I mean. The song " calling you" means a thing or 2.



To Mr. A:

I'm tired, i'm exhausted of these feelings for you,
I'm dying on the inside which noone can see,
This is the emptiest i've ever felt because of you,
Maybe I should blame myself for letting you in ,
When I could have just shut you out from the beginning,
Please let me go...
Or I'm the one who should let you go.
But I keep holding on to you why?
Have I fallen too deep?
But I don't really know you.
How could I?
Just to let you know I still do pray for you,
For your happiness,
For your everything,
I wish you both the best
It is best if I leave you for now,
Cause you don't need me and you never did.
If in circumstances we were to meet again later in life...
I'll tell you now & tell you the truth
I will always love you... remember that

"Excuse me ,think I've mistaken you for somebody else somebody who gave a damn...somebody more like myself..." Jewel-foolish games

Now i'm being entertained by Adila online although I'm lonely I know somebody cares for me...sigh I miss her too much. I admit I'm not brave enough to let you people know him who is this guy who broke my heart yet but it is just not right to do so...Cause it isn't his fault.It's my fault totally for falling for the impossible...


K I got to go now...

Hey people.
Yeahh had not been updating for quite some time. Hold that thought lemme check my last entry on wat its about...oh yeahhh my new shoes and my mom.So this entry will be about hmmm... oh yea hardwork , hardwork & more hardwork on assignments esp. VEFX. Yay...I'm done with blue screen scenes. Now the rest are doing music scoring hahahax . i think Syazzy's frustrated by hmmm that person should go anonymous:)sabar syaz...sabar...

Sooo ya the past few weeks been busy with assignments CANI's like done...finally. I think I'll post the animation soon:) Ya the last 2 weeks' thursday was a hectic one. i got home around 11+ close to 12 helping my cousin out wit her flash apps. so here are the pics.



The flash apps. on her lappy


So the promised ride home wasn't granted... she got me a cabbie instead.A cabbie that drove me home at 80 Km/H....That's why I looked uptight besides the fact that the cab driver was ummm gatal haha:)I was at the edge of my seat the entire time.

But this ride was all worth it cause she belanja me cup corn!!! Plus I got to see my lovely Idraki...damn i'm sooo in love with him.


WAHHH tengok je dah cobaan! lagi-lagi i'm fasting today:) Selamat Hari Asyura!!!

Oh ok wat else is new? hahaha alhamdulillah rezeki melimpah ruah:) Thank you Allah.
I bought
a new - shirt
- belt
My dad bought for me
a new - bag
& lastly jackpot ***a laptop for me and my sis.
Insyaallah these things last long:)

Pics Galore

me in my long-sleeved shirt that only cost $5/- it actually originally costs $24++
Belt from Alano that costs only $6/-

A simple bag from Montip that costs $19.90

An acer lappy with good specs for $1739 .I hope i don't dissapoint my dad:)I'll work hard dad.we'll work hard for u .I know things are horrible between me and u dad.i wish u'd understand...Ok I know I'm a good bargain hunter:)haha

Hey peepz.I'm back. damn got sooo much things to do. I wish I wasn't tempted to blog but as you can see I am. Well I'm feeling a bit better. Actually not many people know that I've been ill for the last 3 weeks . Ya with all the smiles and those big laughter behind those i'm actually ill.

And from this illness I can't sleep and can't eat well. Ya and those were the times where I'm up to watch "The Tyra Show "& "Ellen Degeneres" for the past 3 weeks. From this illness I realised & discover my mum's love for me. I love you mum.My mum have had thyroid since last year but she haven't been feeling too well lately as she hasn't been taking her medicine. I promise you mum once my internship starts I'll pay for your medication. She sacrificed her money to buy her medication to get me mine. $70 worth of medicine & doctor consultation!

My beloved Mum & Bro

Just last week my condition got worst, It was sooo painful & first time I bawled so hard and it was on her birthday. She was working night shift the day before & she was tired and all when she came back home but still she took me to the doctor! When we were waiting for my turn to arrive she fell asleep. I felt sorry that I troubled her and it's her birthday! I didn't even get to join her for the celebration as she turned 41 cos' I was helping out my cousin. sigh... no matter what she bought me chicken rice it was her treat.How sweet can your mum be? Even though she rarely hugs or kiss me. I know she loves me. I hope I get well soon. Though my mum don't read this...Mum you get well too I don't want you to go under the knife.

So yesterday...

WHoooo!!Wats that??? Haha... me & sakinah went out after school to Orchard to buy me new shoes that fit these criteria:

• trendy
• durable
• in my budget
• & last long

I got these...

For $ 16. 90 at John Little's! How affordable is that for shoes that fit those criteria. Surfer's Paradise Australia. I love the thick sole cos' I know it's gonna last me.

Actually I saw these at Urban Warehouse sale when I was out with Amy the last time but I didn't bring my money with me so I came back yesterday and the shoes were gone!!! Thought of buying other shoes but I gave John Little a chance to see if there's other shoes & I found it again!!!So since my heart is set on it already... I bought it!But I saw another shoe that was atractive but I know those shoes can't last me even 2 weeks.So I know these are the ones for a rough tom-boy like me.

I gotta thank Sakinah though for accompanying me though she was exhausted from a day of school as you can see. From 5+ to 7 searching for shoes. Well you'll get back something in return wait till the 27th!

Life's too short. ﷲﺍWanna see today's pic scroll to the bottom.

After reading one of Amy's entry & an event that happened to me ,what was I thinking?Being in a place where I shouldn't be though i did NOTHING.My heart doesn't feel right & i felt an emotional rush of wanting to cry because I felt like I was in a pool of sins.but insyaallah Allah knows I did nothing and that my intention of going was innocent.

Suddenly I remembered late Fad & what it was like for her. Amy's entry was about how we don't appreciate life enough.You may think that " hey, i'm living my life to the fullest! Am i not appreciating it? Yes if u remembered Allah. No if u don't.

You wanna know why's that so? its because Allah has given u a gift of seeing & living till u are of ripe old age BUT dou even thank Allah for that? Allah has given you time& time,hours,minutes & years to you BUT have you even gave Allah YOUR time? By just a simple prayer that only take 10 minutes or even less, 5 times a day.So 50 minutes of your day to Allah? Even THAT you can't do & sacrifice for.

When Allah has given u more than that mere 50 minutes of yours & you can do whatever you want.Think about this my friends, Have you done enough to thank your creator? I know I haven't.

To think that Allah can tak your life any minute or seconds even NOW will you or the burning question is ARE you prepared to die? think about it.

I'll leave u with this video to reflect on what I just wrote.U'll know what I mean exactyly.








Oh btw. how would u feel if u've liked or possibly love someone for almost a year and finding out he might be attached today.I tell u the answer is: OUCH!
But hey he has lost the best thing he will ever know. Make him regret? nahhh not my style for me be strong move on and you might just get better than him.Subahanallah.Goodbye Mr. A goodbye. I ain't loving u anymore. be happy with her alright? that's all I'm asking for.


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-catmad is Mad

I'm soooo in love with this song...as every bit of it is true:) enjoy. I know u ppl will be thinking what do I know about love? I tell u I know everything. Yes everything! In my world that is! haha. k i 'll leave u now to enjoy the video.










ILLEGAL -Shakira

Who would have thought
That you could hurt me
The way you've done it?
So deliberate, so determined

And since you have been gone
I bite my nails for days and hours
And question my own questions on and on

So tell me now, tell me now
Why you're so far away
When I'm still so close

You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
You said you would love me until you die
And as far as I know you're still alive, baby
You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

I tried so hard to be attentive
To all you wanted
Always supportive, always patient
What did I do wrong?
I'm wondering for days and hours
It's here, it isn't here where you belong

Anyhow, anyhow
I wish you both all the best
I hope you get along

But you don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
You said you would love me until you die
And as far as I know you're still alive, baby
You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
You said you would love me until you die
And as far as I know you're still alive, baby
You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

Open heart
Open heart
It should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

Open heart
Open heart
It should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

K its been like what??...weeks? since I updated my blog. Ya the holidays seem to be busier than I thought it'd ever be. Holidays?? I've been going to school for like 3 weeks straight throughout! Ya things are much better now i hope it goes that way. So what have I been doing throughout the 3 weeks? As the saying goes a picture paints a thousand words right? k. let these pics tell you more...





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I know what u people are thinking. That I am crazy. Yes Crazeee over this star Jensen Ackles from "Supernatural".Does "Mrs. Ackles" sounds good?Hahaha.Wanna meet him is like impossible but hey insyaallah...anything is possible:)U never know my fate only Allah does!Wahaha don't laugh at me.Cos' who knows???!!!And I'm keeping my fingers crossed till that day arrives! weeeeehehehe:D Someone DON'T wake me up!

Killing My Monday Blues

Yeaaa d holidays are here... 3 weeks straight.Heh, I must be kidding myself. 3 weeks holiday filled with school work, project & studies!Pretty much of a holiday isn't it? Saturday was a start into holiday mood... ya right spent my weekends at home pretty much doing nothing! But at least this is my time to bond with my family esp. with the person that makes my life sometimes a living hell.



Ya! I'm bored on my Sunday wit nothing to do! so snap a pic!
Monday wasn't what I looked forward to... thought this would be a long & boring holiday but
I was wrong! I went out with 2 of my girls yeay... to Orchard as usual window shop for me but they bought something- accessories. We're girls ,ya know. It was a very relaxed outing talking, laughing our ass off over crappy stuffs but it isn't the same without her. I know she would totally make fun of my christian dior bag. no more bonna,Fad. shoot. I have to move on!

Yay. Done with my ITP survey at last and I didn't know I'm a Male!!! But someone entered my gender as 'MALE' in the ITP database. Hey! Can't you see I'm totally the opposite. I know those who are reading this will say that they don't agree but hey what can I say? I am aggressive by nature:D huahauah. Shall join forces with Joey and "assasinate" those who anyhow declared us as transvestites!

enough said... Pics NOW!


Whoa look at dila she looks freaky... her nose umms looks like a beak???

Yeaa my girls 4 life




















-Charmed-???
Feel like posting this pic...



sheesh. what's with me am I missing him? This is only 3 weeks of not seeing him wait till ITP its gonna be 4 whole MONTHS.Haha I know this is kind of long due but... wait for the next post to see what Dinna & I did on our last day of school before the holidays.
~ HINT: Something to do with CLS

-next post please

Friday,December 15th 2006

Today's the last day of our term and today is suppose to be my bestie's birthday... She would have been 18. But Allah lagi sayangkan dia... Al-fatihah.

I made this tribute video for her. I'll always remember you, girl.I'm letting you go... and me moving on slowly... happy birthday. happy turning legal...;)








The video is called " To:Faddyna, with Love"
Song: Gary Jules - Madworld

Lyrics:

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places
Worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going no where
Going no where

Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression
No expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow
No tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very very Mad world
Mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday
Happy birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen
Sit and listen

Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me
No one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what’s my lesson
Look right through me
Look right through me

And I find I kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very very
Mad world
Mad world
Enlarging your world
Mad world

Saturday, 3rd December 2006

I know its been like what 2 weeks ago that me and my girls went to Fad's kenduri arwah(40 days) ...yes Fad i hope you know you'll be remembered and love to pieces and till MY death do we part.
Her kenduri was a good gathering, sad at times but overall it was great cause almost all of our main TLC girls were there.I love you girls tonnes * hugs & kisses*

Me & Dila in d bus going home

Aisyah pakai tudong haha... manis kn???

The pic may not be clear but Titi u know whats that??? hahaha kuih hijau yang kau nak tu la:)

D rest of the girls who followed... Zila, Amy & Bahiya

Me & Dila ... sumpah takde kerja!

All of us waiting for our last ride home

Wednesday, 13th December 2006

Guess what I am wearing today? My birthday dress that amy bought me that's a very good sign... it shows that I'm moving on slowly but i'll never forget u Fad... Ya its the dress I wore when I saw Fad for the last time.. It's been hard for me to wear it again, I was afraid every piece of our memory of Fad will rush in and it can make me cry... but I didn't...

Went out with Jin Hao, ya my good friend... the rich brat!!! Not a brat, he is actually a veryyy nice boy. I was like late like half an hour late!!! He didn't even scream, shout or even a slight complain nor mention about how late was I. Imagine if i did this to other guy friends they sure will complain and scold and whatever there is to the bad list! He never even showed an upset face ... he was in fact happy to meet up with me. Its been a really long time since I went out with him the last was ummm... last year??? Guess where this rich boy lives now? Orchard Road! Too bad Fad's not here... If not she'll definitely bully him more!

The Outing was fun because he was an easy target for me to bully... Sorry Jin Hao I can't help but be horrible to you.You, weakling, sloucher and haha can't say anything more because you're too nice to me. Met him at 5.30 and reach home around 9 haha...

Haha ... nothing more to do take pic of our foot.. I know I wear school shoes!!!


Me & Jinhao in Black box...huahaha

Haha I can't show his face later my parents know I went out with him... kidding.actually the black box is there because I wanna show him that's what I can do to photos using photoshop!!! Its that easy! Please don't say that using PS is difficult, Jin Hao, go get a teacher or self study or something! haha

Me & Jin Hao in RED box hahaha

Haha enough of me covering Jin Hao's face... I'll show you who is he... drum roll please
Haha want to look handsome only!

But if anyone interested tag me!!! He is single you know. I can help matchmake anybody with him. No fee! No charge at all. F.O.C!Hehe=P

Signing off~